All too often, we stay in relationships with the wrong men, thinking that someday they’ll change and transform into the type of man we’d like them to become.
We mistakenly believe that if we love and stand by him long enough, he’ll eventually morph into the man we’d like him to be.
So if he strikes you as being a pompous ass when you first meet him, I can almost guarantee that he’ll still be a pompous ass three weeks later, three months later, and three years later! If you can’t count on him now, you won’t be able to count on him later. If he treats you poorly now, he’ll keep treating you poorly in the future.
Believe me, I speak from experience! I dated plenty of men who treated me like garbage, in hopes that if I loved them more or did lots of nice things for them, they’d treat me better. Unfortunately, they never did. I dated guys who were irresponsible and unreliable, in hopes that someday they’d grow up and get their act together. They never did.
If a man is going to change, the desire has to come from HIM. It has to be a conscious decision on his part. He’s not going to change simply because you’re nagging and pressuring him to do so. In fact, one of the biggest lessons I learned during my own dating journey is that nagging never works. All it does is lead to bitterness and resentment down the road.
So here’s my basic rule of thumb: if you’re having trouble accepting your partner’s basic personality, lifestyle, beliefs, or values, then it’s best to cut your losses and try to find someone else who has the qualities you’re looking for. Don’t waste months and years of your life trying to change someone who doesn’t want to be changed!
Now I know you’re probably thinking, does this mean you have to blindly accept and put up with whatever your partner does or says? Absolutely not! Even if you’re dating the greatest guy in the world, there will inevitably come a time when he does or says something that ticks you off or rubs you the wrong way.
In a situation like that, here’s what you do: Tell him how his behavior makes you feel and why it bothers you so much. Then, the ball is in his court. If he wants to change, he will (or at least he’ll make a concerted effort to change his behavior). But if he doesn’t want to, he won’t. It’s as plain and simple as that!
Sometimes when a man hears how much his words or behavior have hurt you or adversely affected you, he’ll be motivated and inspired to change. But there’s always a chance he may not. That’s why it’s so important to choose a partner whom you can accept AS IS. Because there’s no guarantee he’s ever going to change. You need to be able to love and appreciate him for who he is, not who you’d like him to be.
Always date a man based on who he is TODAY, not on his POTENTIAL to become a better partner in the future. If you’re unable to accept him for who he is right now, then he’s the wrong guy for you. Walk away and find someone else whom you can accept wholeheartedly!
Now I’d like to hear from you. Have you ever tried to change the man you were dating? If so, did you succeed? Were the changes long-lasting? Or did your efforts to change him merely cause anger and resentment on his part? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.