- Having a one-night stand
- Getting drunk on your date
- Throwing a tantrum
- Being needy and desperate
While all these things are definitely MAJOR no-no’s that you should avoid like the plague, the single biggest mistake you absolutely MUST
Rather than being who we really are, we try to be the woman we think he wants us to be. Instead of answering his questions honestly, we give him the answers we think he wants to hear.
When he suggests doing something we’re not comfortable with, we go along with it anyway.
When he says or does something that doesn’t sit well with us, we pretend to be fine with it even though deep down inside we’re REALLY bothered by it!
We compromise our values and integrity just to please him. And then months or years down the line, we wonder why our relationships are fraught with problems and never seem to work out!
Every time you deviate from who you truly are, you do a MAJOR disservice to yourself, your partner, and your relationship. You see, when you’re dating, your man wants to get to know the REAL YOU. He wants to know what you’re all about, what you like and dislike, what you’re interested in, what you value most, and what your hopes, dreams, and passions are. Just as you want to find out all about him, he wants to do the same with you.
When you’re not being your true authentic self, your partner will end up falling in love with who you’re NOT rather than who you really are. In other words, your entire relationship will be based on a facade.
Moreover, you can only hide your true colors for so long. You may be able to fool him in the beginning, but eventually, as your relationship progresses, your true colors will ALWAYS manage to shine through. Guaranteed. Sooner or later, he’ll get to know the “real you”.
And once he sees through your façade, he’s bound to feel deceived and misled. After all, how would you feel if your partner turned out to be much different from the man you thought he was initially? In the dating world, nobody likes unpleasant surprises!
I learned this lesson the hard way a few years ago when I dated a man who was what I call an “adrenaline junkie”. He was a great guy, but he thrived on adventure and risk-taking. He had already gone skydiving twice and was eager to try every extreme sport known to man. I, on the other hand, am much more risk-averse. In fact, one of my favorite mottos is: “better safe than sorry.” As you can see, we were polar opposites in that regard!
When I first met him, I really liked him and wanted to impress him. Instead of being honest and authentic, I pretended to be a wild, adventurous type just like him. Although I had never done activities like whitewater rafting or parasailing, I acted as if I was interested in trying them someday (even though deep down inside I had no desire to).
For several weeks, everything was fine and dandy until one day he surprised me with tickets he had purchased for the two of us to take a 5-hour whitewater rafting excursion in upstate NY! When he showed me the tickets, I was horrified. Of course he couldn’t understand my negative reaction since I had previously given him the impression that I was just as into adventure and thrill-seeking activities as he was. It was at that moment when he realized that I hadn’t been completely honest and up front with him about who I really was. Our relationship was never the same again after that and we broke up about two weeks later.
I had projected the facade of being a wild, adventurous gal just so he’d want to keep dating me, but ironically, it was that very facade which led to the demise of our relationship!
That’s why it’s so important to show up on every date as the “real you.” No putting on airs or pretending to be someone you’re not. Just be your awesome, amazing self!
This way, your man will get to know you for who you really are. If he likes you and wants to see you again, that’s great! But if not, that’s also OK because if he doesn’t like and accept you for who you really are, then who needs to date someone like that anyway! In that case, instead of sulking over the fact that things didn’t work out, be grateful that you don’t have to waste any more of your precious time dating someone who doesn’t think you’re hot stuff!!
Remember, you’re an awesome, amazing woman, and the right guy will readily recognize and appreciate all your great qualities. Whoever doesn’t is clearly the wrong guy for you!
Have you ever tried to be someone you’re not when dating? If so, please share your story and comments below.