1. Are your problems really solvable?
If you and your ex are unable to resolve the problems that divided you in the first place, then the two of you will be right back at Square 1 if you get back together. Problems don’t just mysteriously resolve themselves and vanish. You and he must be committed to working through the issues that tore you apart. If either of you are unwilling to put in the effort to work out your conflicts, then it’s best to not get back together again!
2. Are BOTH of you 100% committed to making the relationship work?
Relationships are a two-way street. In order for things to work out, both of you have to be fully committed to making the relationship work. It cannot be a one-sided effort.
While he may need to make some changes in the way he relates to you, it’s likely that you’ll also have to make some changes in the way you relate to him. If you’re unwilling or unable to make the changes that he’s requesting of you, then you shouldn’t get back together with him. Similarly, if he’s reluctant to make the changes that you’re requesting of him, then it’s futile to give your relationship a second chance.
Don’t expect him to change just because you want him to. The motivation to change his ways must come from HIM, not from any coercion or nagging on your part. HE has to make a conscious decision to be a better man and to do what’s necessary to make the relationship work. Similarly, you must commit to being a better partner for him.
3. Do you and he share the same relationship goals?
If you’re looking to have a serious, committed relationship with him, then he should be looking to have a serious, committed relationship with you. Remember, commitment is a two-way street! If you and he lack a common vision for where your relationship is headed, then you’re better off cutting ties with him for good and finding someone else whose relationship goals are similar to yours.
4. Are your core values well-aligned with his?
In order for your relationship to be successful in the long term, you and he must have similar core values. If you value respect, honesty, and monogamy, so should he. If religion is very important to you, it would be beneficial if your partner was also religious. If you value spending time with family, he should be accepting of that and vice-versa. If you find that your values are out of whack with his, PLEASE do yourself (and him) a big favor by not getting back together with him! Believe me, I learned this lesson many times the hard way!
5. Are you willing to forgive?
Are you willing to forgive whatever hurtful things he might have done or said to you in the past? Or will his prior transgressions always be a thorn in your side? If you’ll always be harping on his faults and shortcomings, then spare yourself the misery of getting back together again!
Do you go back to him or stay apart?
If ALL 5 of the above-mentioned criteria are met, and you’re confident that the two of you can make it work this time around, then you can consider giving him a second chance. But if not, then it's best to sever ties with him once and for all, so you’ll be free to move on and find the person who’s truly right for you.
So now I want to hear from you. Are you contemplating going back to your ex? If so, how has this article impacted your decision? Or if you're already back together with your ex, are things better the second time around, or are the same problems playing out once again? Please share your thoughts and comments below.