Core values are fundamental internal beliefs that dictate how we live our lives. They are key determinants of what we need to feel happy and fulfilled in our relationships. Some examples of core values are: religious/ spiritual beliefs, attitudes about money, work, health, education, family, marriage, and commitment. Each of us has our own set of core values that guides us in our daily choices, decisions, and actions.
Why having shared values is so important
Your core values should be well aligned with those of your partner if the two of you wish to have a peaceful, harmonious relationship. After all, what good is it if you both like the same types of movies and music, but you can’t agree on how you’re going to manage your finances? You and your partner can have identical interests, but if you want to get married, and he has no desire to settle down anytime soon, then you’re not going to have a very successful relationship! That’s why having common values is so important.
When you date someone whose core values closely match your own, the two of you will tend to view life through a similar lens. When this happens, the whole dating process becomes so much easier because you and your partner’s lives will be in sync. Your relationship will flow easily and effortlessly. There will be less conflict and tension and more peace and happiness between you and him.
What are your core values and which ones are important to share?
In order to have a healthy, lasting relationship, you need to identify what your core values are and determine which ones your partner must share with you. Keep in mind that not all core values have to be shared. For example, some people require that their partner share their religion, whereas others don’t care what their partner’s religion is.
It’s entirely up to you to decide what values you’d like your partner to share with you. That being said, if your goal is to have a successful long-term relationship or marriage, I strongly recommend that you and your partner have similar values regarding money, marriage, commitment, and family since those are some of the most common issues that tear couples apart.
Always stay true to your core values
Moreover, it’s important to stay true to your core values and never abandon or compromise them when searching for a mate. The moment you compromise your values, you set the stage for a troubled relationship. Believe me, I speak from experience! Every time I dated someone whose core values differed radically from mine, I always lived to regret it. Once the novelty of our relationship wore off, we came to realize that we had almost nothing in common and things just fizzled out.
A few last words...
Before I conclude, I just want to clarify one important thing: I’m not in any way implying that shared interests are not important in a relationship. It is perfectly fine and acceptable to have a few interests that you would like your partner to share with you. The problem arises when you start rejecting potentially suitable partners simply because they don’t share all or most of your interests.
Whenever you date, it’s a good idea to be flexible and open-minded about your partner’s interests and hobbies even if you don’t have the same ones as he (as long as his interests and hobbies aren’t dangerous or illegal and don’t make you feel uncomfortable). In fact, dating someone whose interests differ slightly from yours can broaden your horizons and introduce you to new experiences you’ve never had before. It’s a great way for couples to learn, grow, and bond with one another.
For example, my fiancé enjoys classical music which isn’t exactly one of my favorite genres of music to listen to. However, on one of our dates, we went to a Boston Pops concert at Symphony Hall and I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed it. After that experience, I developed a greater appreciation for classical music.
As a general rule, no matter how many common interests and values you and your partner have, both of you should always be open to sharing new experiences together. In doing so, you learn, grow, and evolve together as a couple, making your relationship better and stronger.